Subconscious Little Shit

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Lately I’ve been applying for jobs. This is apparently what you do, you get your piece of paper, and then look for someone who will pay you for having that. It’s been messing with me a little. The whole feeling worthless thing because I’m not currently out there contributing to something bigger, but also getting so drained from the whole application process.

The one thing I thought I wasn’t though is stressed. I currently have a job that’s good enough, I can tutor off the side as well which helps, I’m in a lovely new home, I’m running again and getting a bit of energy back. It all seems good. My body is telling me otherwise.

I’ve mentioned this before, but incase you weren’t listening, I have IBS. It’s shit, literally, but honestly, it’s manageable. I thought I was all good, but lately it likes to rear its ugly head. The only explantation I have for its return, is some subconscious part of me that must be stressed out of it’s mind.

The other tell tales include my psoriasis. It’s got me all confused. All I can conclude is that I’m screwed if I do, and I’m screwed if I don’t. I’m stressed because I think I’m going no where quickly if I don’t apply, and if I do, I’m stressed due to rejection, and what’s worse, I think being successful would be even more stressful.


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